Thankful

My 36th Thanksgiving has come and gone and like many other people around the U.S., I have spent some time thinking about all the things I am thankful for.  These past few months of adjusting to life back in "the world" have been a little rough, a little fun, but most of all, I have really been able to look inside myself and I have learned a little bit more about myself.


I am thankful for Guy because without him, I would not have had all the experiences over the last 14 years of our life together.  I don't think anyone else on this earth could handle being my husband.:)  He knows all my different moods and feelings and he still loves me anyway.:)  And, I love him more than he'll ever know.:)

I am so very thankful for my children, Lizzy and Jeremy.  There was a time in my life I thought they would never exist.  I remember I would lay in bed at night and pray to God to send me a tiny spirit to be my child.  I had read in a book somewhere that the prayers of a mother are heard above all others and I thought, what the heck?  Maybe the prayers of a future mother could hold some water, too.  And in time, Jeremy drifted into our lives and we were forever changed from the moment I received the phone call he was born in Guatemala.  My prayers were answered.:)  Then, two years later, when I wasn't even looking, our second child drifted quietly, yet surprisingly into our lives and she completed our family.  Though there are many days of whining( from them and me), I always remember how blessed and fortunate I am to be their mother.:)


I am thankful for my parents. I am extremely close with them and they have shown me how important family is.   My Mom and Dad have really had a struggle over the last ten years with my mom's health, but she has pulled through her most recent surgery in October and she is really doing great, and I even got to sneak up to Illinois this weekend to see her.  I am so proud of my Mom for getting through this and I am so excited for both she and my Dad to fly out to California at Christmas to meet their third grand child for the very first time!:)


I am thankful for my brothers.  Being the oldest and the only girl in my family, I didn't realize growing up what great guys they are.  But, now, I look at them and can't believe they are all grown up. One a lieutenant in the U.S. Navy and the other one a brand new dad.:)  I love you guys!!:) I am so proud of you both!:)

I can't forget about all of my extended family up in Wisconsin and Michigan ( Kentucky, Arizona, Florida, and Arkansas, too).  Without all of you, I wouldn't have so many great memories of all the times at the beach, birthday parties, cookouts and pool parties.  Those memories are what I picture in my head when I think of my childhood, and I don't think I could ask for a better family.:)


There is a saying that friends are the family we choose for ourselves and that is so true.  I have a few very close friends who I am so thankful for.  I know I can talk to them just about anything and I know they have my back.   Those friendships are so precious to me.


I am thankful that I had the opportunity to be close to both of my grandmothers, and even though they have both passed away, I have the memories of both of them with me every day.  It hurts me sometimes that I can't call them up on the phone to talk to them, but my life is so much better because I knew them.  I learned so many life lessons from them from just watching them and listening to their stories.  They were two very strong women and I am so grateful they were in my life.

Moving back to the U.S. has been a bag of mixed emotions for me.  I am happy to be back and closer to friends and family, but I left someone behind there who was a huge part of my life while I lived there.  Sometimes, i think to myself, it would be so much easier if I had not met her, but then, my eyes would not have been opened to so much that I saw while living in Lagos.  I am forever changed because Happiness came into my life.  She had a way of looking at things and they weren't so complicated after all.  She calmed my fears many times while living there, and she became a part of our family.  It has been a hard last few months for the kids and for me without having her with us, but I am so thankful that she was part of our lives. She taught us to look at things differently and I was humbled many times by her view of the world.  She always saw the "glass half full", and she truly lived up to her name.:) 

I am so thankful for the opportunity our family had to go to Nigeria.  We were able to see things and have expereinces there we would never have had if we hadn't gone.  We now know what true poverty and destitution looks like and we know how fortunate we are to be citizens of the U.S.  We also learned so much about other cultures during our time there and we learned a new appreciation for people from all over the world and not just in Nigeria.  I am so thankful that my children were able to experience some of the beauty of people from different parts of the globe.

I truly have so much to be thankful for not only at this time of the year but every day throughout the year.  My life is so much better because of all the people who were, have been and  are still in it.:)

Pieces

I'm awake right now when I should be sleeping, but I was reading a blog post earlier about having domestic help in your home and feelings about that, and I couldn't help but think of Happiness.  When I moved to Nigeria, I never in a million years would have thought I would have made such a wonderful friend.  I never would have thought that I could make such a wonderful friend and when I had to leave one day, I would probably never get to see her again.  I couldn't help the tears from falling down my face as I read that post and then thought about it tonight.  I am happy to be back in the U.S. and to see all of my friends here. It's just that I feel like a left a piece of myself in Lagos with a dear friend.  I've taken the kids to a few places here and seen them laugh, and I know she would love to see it, too.  Part of why my kids have done as well as they have on our move to Nigeria is because of her...  ( and of course because of my hubby's meticulous planning!)

  

all smiles at Chuck E. Cheese

• brain freeze at Chick-Fil-A

 Moving is hard, and I know I will get through this change.  People have told me that moving back home after having an assignment as an expat is hard.  It's funny because I would look so forward to "civilization" when I would come back to the States on holidays.  But, now, I realize that I was just starting to really think of Lagos as home, and it was time to leave.  I kind of feel like the mancala (ayo)  game that Jeremy loves so much.  You take some pieces and you leave some pieces.  I guess that is kind of how life is, too.  You leave some pieces of yourself with dear people you have met, and you take some pieces of them with you, too.  And, I have to say, leaving a piece of myself in Lagos does hurt a bit, but I would do it all again because it brought a very special person into my life.:)

Tidal Wave

The kids and I made it to Houston at 5 a.m. local time yesterday morning.  It was nice to sleep on a fully flat seat in business class, but we still didn't sleep all that great.  There is just something about sleeping on an airplane that doesn't let me ( or the kids) get a really good sleep.  I was able to get all 9 bags and four carry ons to the car rental place with the help of another sweet family who was repatriating to the States along with me.  Thank you so much!!!:)  Thank goodness Guy rented us an Expedition or I wouldn't have been able to fit all the bags!!:)
We made it to the hotel only after stopping at McDonald's for our U.S. fix!!:)  Then, the kids and I took a marathon nap from noon to 5 p.m.  I usually never let them sleep that long after traveling from Nigeria, but I don't know if it was the physical exhaustion combined with the emotional exhaustion of the last few weeks and the roller coaster of emotions I have had but I could not move from the bed until 5 p.m.  I made the kids wake up or else we might as well grow hair on our ears and hang upside down because letting them sleep any  longer was surely a recipe for nocturnal disaster!:)   We went to good 'ole Wal Mart and got some snacks for the room and went to another favorite of Jeremy's...Taco Bell!!! I know, I should win" Mother of the Year" award for the nutritional food I'm feeding the kids!!!! :)  But, I'll blame it on exhaustion and whatever makes 'em happy at this point!:)  They keep asking me if this hotel is our new home, and I keep telling that that we need to find a home.  They both look at me like it's crazy that we don't have a "home" right now.  I guess it is...

We're doing okay, but every now and then, a tidal wave of emotions sweep over me.  I think of my final hug to Happiness before we boarded the bus knowing I most likely will never physically see her again.  The look in her eyes and the tears running down her face as the kids and I waved good bye to her and as I blew her a kiss through the window she grabbed it in mid air and placed her hand on her heart. It was so hard to leave.  I didn't ever think it would have been three years ago. 

When the kids and I were in the Wal-Mart (Elizabeth keeps calling it Lekki Market..I'm not kidding) yesterday, I noticed a woman in traditional Nigerian dress.  At first I didn't think anything of it, and then I realized I was in Houston...in a Wal- Mart!!  I heard her talking to her daughter in the familiar Nigerian accent, and I almost went up to her.  But, I couldn't because I realized I had tears in my eyes and no matter what I would say to her ( I had no idea what that may be) I wouldn't be able to say anything because all that would come was tears.

I feel a little lost and confused right now. Sometimes I think I am just on summer holiday visiting the U.S. and then, I realize that I'm not going back to Nigeria in August.   This transition will be a process, but I know one thing for sure.  Our family found" happiness" in Nigeria and I know we'll find it here, too.:)

Don't Cry Because It's over

The air shipment back to the U.S. is sorted with a post it to add to it in case there is more room...

 9 bags at 70 pounds each=630 pounds of luggage + 4 carry ons......thank goodness for business class on our way back!

As I was weighing and packing up the bags, I looked out the window and saw this...

 The man in the picture is turning this bent up iron re bar

 into perfectly straight re bar with his bare hands....

It occurred to me that when I move back, I won't see such unexpected things like this.  My heart feels heavy and there is a deep pit in my stomach, but if that man can do that with his bare hands, I can have the strength to say good bye this afternoon.  I just can't get over how much it feels like de ja vu to be packing up ...again.  Part of me keeps forgetting that this time it is "for good".  I keep feeling like I am only leaving for the summer and I'll be back in August...but this time that won't happen.  I am happy to go back to the U.S., but will miss many friends I made here dearly.  So, this is when I remind myself of a quote straight from the mouth of Dr. Seuss:

                              "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

So, when the kids and I are boarding the bus today and saying our final farewells, I'll remind myself of this quote and know that I am only shedding tears because of the once in a lifetime opportunity we had to live here.  And, I will know that a smile will cross my face when I think about my time here.:)

500

This is my 500th post on this blog...I never thought I would stay with it so long...who knew I would love it so much!!! I thought we could look at a few pictures from when we first arrived....

Arriving in Lagos July 2009

Meeting Happiness for the first time!! July 2009

first beach trip August 2009

first day of school August 2009

And, now a few from just a few weeks ago......they have changed so much since we moved to Lagos...

Jeremy and his Teacher

It's funny, I heard once that people cry when you move here and they cry when it's time to go.  I didn't really understand that when I first came here. I didn't think I would ever get used to living here.  It took a few years, but I have felt so much more comfortable here this last year.  And, now as I type this with tears in my eyes, it is time to leave and I don't feel like it's time to go yet.   I feel like there is an aching pit in my stomach which I haven't been able to make go away for the last few weeks.  I am having the same feelings I had when I moved here, but in reverse.  I never expected to ever be happy here.  I never thought I would meet people I would truly care about.  I am mostly an all or nothing person.  I won't do things half way...if I'm in it...I'm in it.  I threw myself into the Beach Foundation and the kids schools, and I loved every minute of it.  I made new friends and I knew I would have to leave one day, but I didn't realize how much I would hurt inside.  I am happy that I'm going back "home", but somehow, I feel different now.  I know I am not exactly the same person I was when I left to move here three years ago.  I hope I don't forget what I have done and what I have seen while living here. I hope I was able to make some small difference here.  These past few weeks, I've been busy packing up bags and saying farewells...

Good bye to the Beach School Foundation...

The kids have had farewells....

 And so have we....

 I've met so many great people here who are hard working and they will always have a piece of my heart...

Daniel, me, Happiness and Josephine

I don't even know how I will say good bye to Happiness. (Please pray for me...I mean it...I really don't know how I will do that.)  We can't even look at each other these past two weeks and not cry.  How do you even begin to tell someone she saved you from the fear you had about coming here????  She is truly a special person with a beautiful spirit, and because of her, I will always be forever connected to Nigeria.  I will miss so many people I have met here dearly, but I will have them in my heart forever.  If you know me, I don't like change much.  I never have, but once I accept it, things usually are okay.  The only thing I know which is constant is change....nothing stays the same forever. The kids and I leave tomorrow, June 8 and Guy will follow later this summer. I have heard that with every ending comes a new beginning, and I hope you will join me as I adjust to my life back in the states right here on this blog.  Thank you so much for joining me on this amazing journey!!!!:) And to my friends on the other side of the ocean...I am coming home!!!!!!!

I Wish I Could Have Read this...

Here is a letter I wish I could have read before I moved here...

Dear Meredith,

Don't worry about feeling all alone in a new place because there are nice people all over the world, and most of how you will do in a  new place is based on your attitude.

Don't sell yourself short and think you can't leave things you know...you are stronger than you think.

Don't worry about losing friends from your home because your true friends will stick with you through it all even when they don't really understand why you left.

The power will go out, but consider yourself blessed that you have power at all when so many here don't have it at all.

You will never sit at a table and look at all the food the same way again.  You will see people starving and parents who have nothing to feed their children, and you will feel blessed for what you have.

You will have an amazing opportunity to meet people from all over the world and you will love it!!!  You think you won't because you will be far from home, but you will love it because it will open your eyes to things beyond your life in the U.S.  Put that knowledge in your mind and remember it for the rest of your life.  It is truly a wonderful opportunity for you!

Your children will learn acceptance and tolerance for people of other races and religions.  They will not identify someone by their skin color but by how they are treated.  Your son will learn to identify flags from all over the world.  Your daughter won't remember her home being anywhere but here.

You WILL be sad when the day comes that you have to leave, but love your stewardess anyway.  She will be your guide and your friend in this foreign land. It will hurt terribly to have to say goodbye but love her anyway and know she will always be in your heart.

You will have to leave all the wonderful people you meet here, but throw yourself into everything you feel passionate about even though you hate saying good bye to things you love.  Leave your "thumbprint" on things which are worthwhile.

Most importantly, remember to "see" the world on this adventure.  This is truly a wonderful experience for your entire family to see outside themselves and learn tolerance and acceptance for people all over the world.

I know you will worry and wonder if you will be able to live in Nigeria, but take the leap of faith that everything will be ok.  You are ready and you will have a wonderful experience!!!

                                                                                                      love,
                                                                                                    Yourself:)

Yellow Fever

When we moved to sub Saharan Africa, we knew we were coming to a place where we could be exposed to several different diseases and sicknesses.  The top ones being malaria, typhoid and yellow fever. When we moved here, we all had to get a series of vaccinations so we (hopefully) would never get any of these diseases.  Until yesterday, I didn't know there is  "yellow fever" that you really cannot avoid here in Lagos...

Fatai was driving me around the Falomo bridge roundabout trying to get on the bridge to head back to Victoria Island.  We were about four rows deep into chaotic traffic trying to find our way to the very narrow opening to enter the bridge when I heard a very loud banging sound on the back side of our car.  I thought it was an okada trying to weave in between the cars and misjudging his girth. When I looked over my shoulder, I saw a traffic police officer walking along the passenger side of the car.  My window remained rolled up....but I could hear him loud and clear.  At first he was yelling very loud in Yoruba...and I don't understand too much Yoruba, but his facial expressions and body language could clearly tell me he was very upset.  Then, he started yelling at Fatai in English that he didn't see him waving him to stop.  I looked around at all the chaotic traffic and thought this guy is really trying to control THIS????!!!!  Yeah, clearly he was having a bad day and then I kind of felt sorry for him...what a terrible job...standing in the crazy Lagos traffic and no one listening to you as buses zoom past your outstretched hand and okadas not minding any traffic rules.  I guess we were just the ones to get the brunt of his frustration.  And, as many altercations in Lagos end, the traffic officer stopped yelling and eventually waved us forward with a disgusted look on his face.

When I got home, I told Happiness about it.  She asked me if he was wearing an orange shirt. I said he was.  She told me I was just infected with Yellow Fever.  I said, "Yellow Fever??" and she said " Yes madame, Yellow Fever.  Those traffic police try to infect everyone with their yelling and arm waving."  I told her that was odd to call them yellow fever because their shirts are actually orange. She said that there was an Afro beat artist named FELA who coined the name yellow fever for the traffic police here in Lagos.  Happiness told me that since she was little that is what many Nigerians call these officers.  I found it a bit amusing that it took almost three years for me to be "infected" with yellow fever.  With all the craziness in this city, I would have thought it would have been sooner.:)

The Beauty of Batik

Batik fabrics are nothing new. In fact, the art of batik has been around for thousands of years.There is actually evidence of it being done in the Far East, Middle East, Central China and India.  Some historians think this art traveled along the caravan trading routes routes.  Since coming to Lagos, I have seen some very beautiful fabrics.  The beautiful bright colors found here in Nigeria are nothing short of breath taking and I am afraid in my three years here, I haven't really done the whole realm of fabric here much justice.  But, today, I got to watch a local batik artist named Johnson share his craft and let the children at Elizabeth's school watch and learn a little bit of how batik fabric is made.:)

  We started with some aprons which were provided by the school. Johnson said they would work, but thinner fabric is better and organic fabric is best such as cotton. He started off by using a small tool which looked like a pen filled with extremely hot wax and wrote all the children's names on the aprons.

 Then, he drew designs on the aprons using the hot wax.

 The hot wax is what helps to make the design on the fabric.  The next step is to actually dye the fabric.  He said he bought his dye at the local market and he added something which looked like Baking soda to the hot water and the dye.  He said it will help the color from fading when it is washed.

 Large thick gloves need to worn during the dying process because the dye can irritate the skin badly and also dye the skin. I don't know how Johnson can do this all the time.  The fumes from the dye are extremely strong.

 The kids loved watching how he dipped the aprons into the various colors of dye he had prepared.  The next step will be for him to take the aprons home with him and boil them in extremely hot water which will cause the wax to melt right off the apron.  He explained to me that he then makes sure all the wax is off the fabric by scraping it with a stick.  Then, the beautiful designs are left behind.  I'll post some pictures of the finished products after he comes back next Tuesday to drop off the finished products.  I have to say that this whole process takes a lot of time and there is an infinite number of patterns which can be designed on batik fabric. The men and women who design these fabrics are nothing short of artists.  I have really come to appreciate these fabrics since living here, and I am so happy that my little girl can start to learn an appreciation for every one's talents and crafts.:)

Sunday Street Scenes

I wanted to share a few pictures of some of the things we see along the street on Sundays when we go to church.  The kids are always excited to see the goats wandering around looking for food along the street...

 Do you see the tent in the distance off to the right?  That is where a small catholic congregation meets on Sundays...

 Two Sundays ago, we saw a group of boys flaying football in the rain...and barefoot...in the street!!

 That takes ALOT of talent!!!

This is just another quick glimpse into what we see around Victoria Island and Ikoyi.  I hope you enjoy the Sunday Street Scenes.:)

What do the African Rains Bring?

What do the rains in Africa bring with them???? Apparently one little cutie who couldn't wait to wear her rain boots!:)

 And some really cool looking clouds which kind of look like it may rain ...or maybe not....but usually it does.:)

 One thing I never expected the rains to bring is higher prices on produce Under the Bridge. Happiness went to get the veggies yesterday and the vendors under the bridge told her the heavy rains which fell last week actually killed many of the plants where they bring in their produce so the prices went up....

 one kilo of tomatoes went from 500 naira up to 1000 naira!!!!

 bananas went from 250-300 naira up to 500 naira!!

And the watermelon went from 600 naira up to 800 naira.  And that was with Happiness buying the produce for me...I don't know what the oyibo price would be.:)  I just never thought the rains would bring higher prices for the produce...living in Lagos is always full of surprises!!!

Finding the Love

This morning, I woke up as usual and took my shower.  I went to get Jeremy up and made him his breakfast.  I got him to the bus and came back upstairs to get Elizabeth ready to head off to school.  Then, I was taken aback by a comment I received from someone I have never heard of who read a post from last year on my blog.   It stung a bit, and then I started thinking.  Why is it that there can be a million things that someone does right, but it is the one thing that is wrong that everyone seems to notice?  I know that everyone does it.  We all make snap judgments of people based on a small glimpse into their lives.  I am one of the people who is guilty of it, too.   I used to think that some of the parents in Nigeria were terrible to let their babies ride on okadas.  But, now, I realize after learning more about their lives here, for some, that is the one and only mode of transportation which is affordable for them to get to work and make money for their families.  Do we all really follow the old saying "You can't judge a book by its cover?"

It's ironic that I just had a conversation with Guy the other day, and I realized that many times, I see the negative things in a situation first before I ever see the positive. Most of the time I see all the negative things in myself first and foremost.  It is a learning curve for me, but I can definitely say that living in Lagos has taught me more about acceptance and understanding than I ever had before.  

Why is it that people may read a newspaper, a magazine or a blog for years and enjoy it everyday without one single positive comment to the writers, but then he or she sees one thing which offends her and that is when all the negative comments come?  Words can hurt and they can never be taken back like a piece of clothing which doesn't fit.

I remember when I was living in New Orleans, I stopped at a local grocery store so many times on my way home from work.  I was always tired and would run in and grab whatever I thought Guy and I would like for dinner.  I went to any of the cashiers and to be honest, I was usually in such a hurry to get home from work that I never even really paid attention to what cashier I was going to.  One night, I was in line and ready to check out, and I realized I forgot something. Instead of doing the "rude" thing of telling the cashier to wait on me while I ran back to grab something, I collected all of my things and went back to get the item so the people behind me could go on ahead.  When I came back to check out, I put my things on the first counter I saw and all of the sudden, I heard a loud voice screaming, " I see how you are!!!!!  I see how it is!!!"  I looked up for a second and saw that two check out lines over, a cashier was yelling those words to me.  I was a bit confused , and then, she went on, " I see how it is!!!! You just wanted HER to check you out....you go on and make excuses about forgetting something!!!!"  I still was a bit confused and then realized when I finally bothered to even look at the cashier in the line I was in that she was white and the other cashier was black.  I NEVER EVER had that intent in my mind......I simply forgot about an item and went up to the first check out counter I saw.  I felt terrible inside....I couldn't believe I could be judged like that.  I was so embarrassed and hurt that anyone would ever think that way of me that I left the groceries on the conveyor belt and just left. That cashier had no idea I taught African American children from the projects all day and loved my job. I LOVED those kids! She judged me in a moment and thought she knew me....

Why do we (as people) seem to gravitate towards the negative and not rejoice in all the positive? I guess what I am trying to say is before you say a negative thing to or about someone else, please try to see the "whole picture" first.  Try to look at someone as though you are assessing them as an essay question and not just a one word answer.  I think many times that is the reason why feelings are hurt and wrong judgments are made about others.  And if the entire essay is bad, then, and only then, call it what it is.

 I love the song Where is the Love by the Black Eyed Peas . I think it sums up just what I am trying to say.  And maybe (just maybe) we all can start to see the positive in people and finding the love.:)

You Never Really Know

 This weekend was full of getting together with friends we met from different continents but somehow all of our paths crossed in Lagos!!! 

The rainy season took a short break on Sunday so we could have a cook out with some friends at another compound.:)

 The kids had a great time splashing around with their friends...

 and the adults got to have a little relaxing time together and look at the blue water of the Atlantic Ocean...

Shanties along the beach front

shanty town

 It was a great weekend with laughter and friends....we almost forgot where we were for a few minutes until Jeremy came up to us at the other compound and said, "Mommy, look what I found!  What is this??"

I have to admit, I have never seen one of these up close, but I was pretty sure I knew what it was and upon conformation from Guy and a few of our other friends....it was concluded that yes, indeed, my six year old son found a bullet on the ground on a compound where we were having a beautiful afternoon.  Looking at this takes me back to 2:45 a.m.  You just never really know what you'll get to experience when you come to Lagos!:)