Almost 1460 Days!

Four years ago tonight, I had been in labor for over 24 hours and was just 9 centimeters dilated.  I was texting my great friends  Emmy, Mindy, and Jen like a crazy fool.  I warned Guy that the texting that month was going to be astronomical!:)  I think I knew that this was my one and only chance I would get in my life to give birth to a child, and I didn't want to forget any part of it even if it meant texting every last detail to my lovely friends!:)  (Aren't you all so lucky!!) Although, giving birth turned into a c-section....so I really did get to experience every single part of having a baby!!!:)

Some of you may be thinking how strange that I am writing about giving birth to my daughter when I adopted my son a few years before.  Let me just tell you about the road of life....just when you think you have it all figured out (and that is how I want to live my life), everything as you know it can be turned upside down and wonderful surprises are in store!  All those years while we were trying to have a baby before we brought Jeremy home, I prayed and prayed and prayed...I don't think I have ever prayed for anything harder in my life (other than for my Grandma) than to have a child.  I thought when we brought Jeremy home that was the answer to all my prayers.....and it was, but there was another part I didn't see coming.  Before we brought Jeremy home, I had a dream that I was pregnant, and I had a baby girl and her name was Hannah.  I know that sounds crazy...like something I am making up, but it really did happen.  I remember the dream very clearly, but the only thing was I couldn't ever see the baby's face  clearly.   A few months after I had the dream, I found out the name Hannah means "grace" or "favor".  Hannah (in the bible) was the mother of the prophet Samuel. She had been unable to become pregnant and prayed to God that she would have a child, and she was blessed with Samuel.

 Fast forward four years, and on my 31st birthday, after finding out I was pregnant ( after taking 11 pregnancy tests...all digital ...I was done looking at lines!!...because I couldn't actually believe this could be true...and  I had to go to the emergency room because the doctors thought I was having a miscarriage...or a blighted ovum as they called it. Not to mention having been told we had a less than one percent chance of ever getting pregnant) my doctor did an ultrasound and sure enough there was the tiniest flicker which my doctor told me was the heartbeat of a baby.  Guy and I were dumbfounded.  I cried.....I just couldn't believe that I was so lucky to be blessed not once with Jeremy but twice with another baby!!!!!!  Guy had tears in his eyes, too, about seeing the heartbeat.  But, I think some of them were for fear of having a girl!!!:)

Words can't express how happy and lucky we felt when Elizabeth was born (all 8 pounds 6 oz. of her..and she was two days early!!)) after being induced on Tuesday and ending up with a c-section early on a Thursday morning.  She has definitely been our feisty one...she loves to take the hard way and she is stubborn ( Guy says she gets that from me!) We didn't name her Hannah, but she is a miracle from God.  ( We named her Elizabeth after my grandmother) But, she is our baby girl and we couldn't be happier than to have spent another year with her and watch her grow.  Tonight I gave her her last three year old kisses and told her when she wakes up she'll be four.  I feel a little sad that I won't ever have another three year old, but I am so happy and excited to see what adventures my four year old little girl will have in this next year!!!  We love you Elizabeth Anne!!!! We've enjoyed every day of our 1459 days with you!!:) We can't imagine our family without you!!!!:)

cupcakes all ready to celebrate at school tomorrow!:)

Last picture as a three year old!

Six Years...

I was thinking about writing this post today when I got this message from a very dear friend of mine, Emmy.  I asked her if I could share it with you, and she said yes ( like she had a choice!!:))

"Five years ago today, your little boy let me hold him. Four years ago we were about ready to "pop".  Three years ago we were getting ready to celebrate the babies' first birthday knowing it was one of the last times we would do something big like that together for a while..."

I had to share this message from her because without wonderful friends in our lives, we would never have had the support for the moment that changed our lives six years ago today.  I didn't meet Emmy until a year after we brought Jeremy home, but friends like her have been a constant source of support before we brought Jeremy home and after he joined our family.  Emmy, thank you for remembering this special day.:)

Today, it has been six years since Guy and I experienced everything we had been waiting for for four years before.  All of the anticipation, worry, and preparation had finally come to an end.  We could see our "light" at the end of the tunnel, and no one could have imagined how much a small little baby born in Guatemala with black hair and rich dark brown eyes could light up our hearts and our lives...but we must have had smiles plastered on our faces for weeks when could finally hold him!!

It's funny how life can take you on twists and turns to places you never intended to go or even meant to be...but somehow when you arrive, you know that you have found your place. And six years ago, we found our place in Guatemala with our son...

March 2, 2006
Guatemala City, Guatemala

March 2, 2006
Guatemala City, Guatemala

Guy and I struggled for four painful years trying to get pregnant.  When I think back to those years, and how much of a failure I felt, it is still hard to put into words. I truly think unless you have been through infertility, you cannot fully understand the heartbreak of not being able to have a baby.  This is not to say that my friends weren't supportive and always there for me, but I was the only one of my friends struggling with this issue, and I just didn't know what to think or do.  I always knew I was going to be a mom in my heart, and I couldn't understand why it wasn't working. 

  I remember some "dark" times for me wondering why it seemed so easy for everyone else.  Why couldn't we have the baby we had always dreamed of??? After alot of prayers and talks with Guy, we decided to go to an adoption seminar many months before we even started our paperwork for Jeremy's adoption. The consultant from our adoption agency said it perfectly.  She said, " I realized the goal was to become a parent, not just to have a baby." After hearing her talk, I knew in my heart  this was one of those times in life when you understand why you have ended up in a place you never intended.   As soon as I heard her say that, I knew we were meant to adopt.  All the sad times and the heart break of seeing another negative pregnancy test seemed to make sense.  If we had been able to get pregnant, we never would have had Jeremy....

And, we COULD NEVER imagine our lives without him. ...And, I finally figured out, we were supposed to be parents, but there was just a different plan for us. And, we can't imagine our family any other way.:) He has brought so much joy and happiness to our entire family, and when I think back to the sadness I felt before we knew he was in the world, it makes me realize just how special each and every day is with him in our lives.  No matter where our lives take us, we will always be together, and he will always be our son.

March 2, 2012
Lagos, Nigeria

And, just as life has so many twists and turns, who could have known that he would begin his life in
Guatemala city, Guatemala and go to Houston, Texas, and then, come to Lagos, Nigeria???  But like every family, we will take every twist and turn together... 

Jeremy, we love you "around the earth" and "bigger than infinity!!!"We are so happy that your gentle, loving spirit came into our lives.:)
love, Mom and Dad:)

Dear Jeremy...

Dear Jeremy, I am writing this letter to you on Wednesday, August 17, 2011.  This is my last night to say that I have a five year old son...tomorrow you will be an entire year older....and I couldn't be more proud of you...

Five years ago today, I didn't even know you were about to come into the world.  Daddy and I had filled out paperwork and sent it in to the adoption agency who filed it in Guatemala and done everything we could possibly do...the rest was in God's hands.  And, if I ever had any doubt in God...it all faded away on August 24, 2005 when I received the phone call which would forever change our lives!!!! You were in this world...born on August 18, 2005....and that was also the birthday of when I became a mother (not to mention your grandma's birthday and your great grandmother's wedding anniversary)...It still takes my breath away that you were in this world for almost a week and we didn't even know it...

I can't tell you your birth story, and sometimes that saddens me.  I wish I could tell you I held you right after you were born and if you cried right away or if you just looked around at the world with your huge brown eyes.  But, one thing I know for sure....you were loved and have always been loved since the day you were born...by your birth mother, by your foster mother, and by Daddy and me...

I have many precious moments tucked away in my mind of your past birthdays which always bring a smile to my face (and maybe a few happy tears).  I couldn't ask for a a more special son than you...

I remember holding you for the first time when you were almost three months old.  I remember thinking...you are so small and your head is so big!:)

I remember taking you to Crystal beach in texas on your first Birthday and how much you loved to throw the sand around and feel the water while Daddy and I held your hands...

I remember your second birthday when you LOVED Elmo and we had an Elmo birthday for you....that was right about the time we discovered you loved pizza...and how you started to eat like Cookie Monster...

I remember your third birthday when you ran and ran around Little Gym in Houston...you were so happy and full of laughter...during that year, you became the perfect big brother to your little sister...

I remember your fourth birthday...we had just moved to Lagos and didn't know too many people....but you were so brave and made so many friends...the morning of your birthday, you asked me, "Am I four today?" so innocently.:)

I remember your fifth birthday, and how much you loved Spiderman ( and still do).  How confident you had grown in the last year and how your smile was so bright...it lights up the room...and your laugh....it just makes everyone want to laugh along with you...

So, as you start your adventure into your sixth year of being in this world, I can't wait to see everything you accomplish and all the adventures you'll have.  Your life is a book which has new pages added to it everyday.  You can do anything you put your mind to and Daddy and I can't wait to see you grow and change into the wonderful young man you are becoming.

We love you!!!
Mommy and Daddy:)

Five Years

Five years ago, Guy and I were sitting in a hotel room in Guatemala City, Guatemala waiting for Jennifer, Jeremy's foster mother, to bring him to us. Those of you who know me know that Guy and I adopted Jeremy, but for those of you who do not know me, that may be news to you. I still remember how I felt ...waiting and waiting. I really couldn't believe that the moment he was going to be placed in our arms as our son and we could take him back to the U.S, had actually come. The adoption process from filling out paperwork, home study, notarized papers, government paperwork, attorneys in Guatemala, etc. took about 9 months. ( We found out about him about a week after he was born on August 18, 2005.)

Everyone would tell me that that amount of time was like waiting to have a baby and being pregnant. And I guess that the amount of time was about the same, but as someone who has adopted and had a biological child, I can say for a fact...it is NOT the same thing. When I was pregnant, I knew where my baby was at all times, I knew what kind of nutrition she was getting, I knew when I went to the doctor...I just felt like I had more control over things.

But, when you adopt, there are so many issues which are out of your control. The worry about if the paperwork would go through in the US. and in Guatemala, the wondering what he was eating, what he was doing every day. We missed his first Christmas...and I wondered what they did for that first Christmas in his foster mother's home...I remember going to Build- a -Bear with Guy so we could make him a gift and send it with one of the counselors with the adoption agency we used to take with her on her trip down to Guatemala. Gosh, those months just waiting and wondering about him were so hard...hard because we knew he was there, but we just couldn't bring him home. Finally, on February 27, 2006, we got THE call!!!! Words simply cannot even begin to express the feelings of joy, relief, and utter happiness that Guy and I felt that the day we would bring our son home was right there!

We have told Jeremy about his adoption since we brought him home. It isn't something we talk about every day, but he does know where and how he came to us. It became apparent to me that we needed to talk about it a little bit more after I had Elizabeth and he wanted to know what it was like to have him in "my belly". I still remember showing him the picture of his birth mother and his foster mother ( which have always been in his room since we brought him home) and explaining to him that he grew in Ingrid's tummy and Jennifer took care of him until we could bring him home. He looked at me and started crying that " No!!!! I wanted to be born from you!!!" It was crystal clear to me from that day, that adoption is a double edged sword.....where one person experiences utter happiness...another person ( the birth mother) is experiencing sadness. Even Jeremy, who is a very happy child, will experience some of that sadness along with adoption.
This is his dresser in his room with a picture of the day he was placed in our arms forever and a poem I wrote out for him ( but I am not the author of this poem...and the author is actually unknown). I just thought it puts into words beautifully what I am thinking. He may not be flesh of my flesh, but God knows, he came from my heart.These are just a few books I have that we read sometimes. Like I said, we don't constantly talk about adoption, but every now and then, he'll choose one of these books to read and talk about his "special story". I think the part he likes best is that he got to ride back to the U.S. with us in an airplane. That kid has been on so many airplanes in his life and he isn't even 6 yet!!!:)
When I look at him, I can't believe that five years have passed. I have to admit that every birthday, Christmas, and March 2, I do think about his birth mother, Ingrid. I pray that she knows Jeremy is happy and healthy. I pray that she knows what a wonderful gift she gave our family. I pray that she knows that Jeremy does know her name and that she is the reason that he has his life. I pray that she is blessed every day for unselfishly giving Jeremy for adoption.
Both of our children came into our lives by surprise. After years of trying to get pregnant, we took the path of adoption ( a path I really hadn't thought about before then)...but am grateful everyday that we chose. Elizabeth was a total surprise after being told we had a less than 1% chance of ever becoming pregnant. I am a mother of an adopted child and a biological child...two children who came into my life very different ways. One thing is for sure, though, our love for them is truly the same and it just grows more and more with each passing day.:)

Some people who have adopted may call this day "gotcha day" or "adoption day". I don't think our family really has a name for it. It is just a day that Guy and I pause and reflect on our family and remember where we started and let that ground us and keep the memories close to our hearts. No matter where this crazy path of life takes our family, our children will always know they are loved no matter how they came into our lives.:)