Two Different Worlds

Ek'asan (Good afternoon)! Yesterday, I went out to one of the new grocery stores which has opened in Lagos. I had to take a picture of it from the outside because it just reminds me of how big the supermarkets are in the U.S. To me ( and other expats here), it is really strange ( and pleasantly surprising) to see a market like this in Lagos...it is kind of like finding an elephant in your flat....and the elephant happens to be potty trained:) After Fatai and I were able to find it ( we took a few wrong turns and asked several okada drivers who had no idea what we were talking about) I had Fatai drop me off in front of the door. I told him my usual "od'abo" ( goodbye) and got out of the car and told him I would flash him when I was done. I went inside and grabbed a big cart (the carts in the markets here are always so small) and began to browse the fruit section with my eyes on the small pack of grapes for 1500 naira ( 10 U.S. dollars). I was deep in a silent debate in my head over whether I should buy the grapes because Jeremy LOVES them and we don't really ever get to eat them here or if I should just move on when I heard Fatai's voice behind me.

"Hello, Madame!" Two thoughts went through my head at this point:

1) Another car had hit him in the parking lot and he needed to tell me about it.

OR

2) He had hit another car in the parking lot and was running for his life from an angry Nigerian driver.

I looked at him and was just very surprised to see him in the market with me. I asked him if there as a problem. and he said ." No, madame, I have just never been in a market like this before. I had to come in and see it." I immediately got a pain in my heart. ( One that comes very often since moving to Nigeria). Here I was shopping in a store which felt "normal" to me, but there was Fatai, a 50 year old Nigerian man ( who calls me Madame!!! crazy!!!) who had never seen (or known) about supermarkets like this. So, I told him if he wanted to walk around the market and look, he could and I would just call him when I was done. He said, " No, Madame, I would prefer to just walk with you." I felt a little uncomfortable having him walk with me and see what I was buying. But, I could tell he was a little uncomfortable to just walk around on his own. So, I thought, we could just feel uncomfortable together. There's some comfort in that , right!:) There I was in the market shopping with my driver pushing the cart behind me. Was this for real? I only a had a few things I had to get on my list, but I was painfully aware by watching Fatai's face as he looked at the price of things, that he thought it was very expensive. I started looking at the prices and realized that there really couldn't be a way he could shop here...on a regular basis, he doesn't make enough money. Don't get me wrong...he gets paid very well for a driver in Nigeria....but I was very aware of the difference in the living standards between my expat lifestyle and his as a Nigerian driver.

I had gotten everything on my list...last stop, the wine section!!!! ( Yes, can"t leave the market without that!) Thank goodness there are some good Argentinian and French wines imported here.:) As I was looking around, Fatai yelled over to me," Madame!!! Look at this!!! It is so costly!!" I walked over and saw he was looking at a bottle of champagne which was literally about 3 feet tall and cost 35,000 naira ( about 230 U.S. dollars). He was in complete shock! I was uncomfortable, even though I knew I would never buy something like that ( at least not until I have an extremely bad day in Nigeria!:)) I laughed and told him I didn't have money to throw away like that today and we walked away...but I couldn't help but think..." He probably does think I have money to throw away...I am shopping in a place he could never shop in."
When I got to the check out line, I could see the looks on the checkers' faces. They were thinking, "Please don't let this oyibo come to my lane." I can always tell they get annoyed when oyibos count money...we are so slow. (The Nigerians can count money like a machine.....literally. I guess thats what happens when you have to bring shoeboxes of money with you everywhere. I really have to get a video of it sometime.) I find that if I make a joke about it....that seems to get them smiling and they aren't so annoyed. Again, when I got my receipt, I saw Fatai looking at children's backpacks (possibly for his own children) and checking the prices. There was that darn pain in my heart again...

Here is the market across the road from the supermarket. I went here afterwards to pick up a few things. You can find some beautiful purses, gifts, beads, etc. here ( even though I know from the picture it doesn't look like it. You just have to know where to look. I didn't feel like having a young boy come with me through the market, so, I thought, "Well, Fatai already shopped with me once today, why not again?" So, he walked with me through the market. This time, he was really comfortable, and I was the one who felt out of place. I am still working on my bargaining skills and I am getting a little better...but I can't say that I have reached the bargaining ranks of a Nigerian.:)

I took a few pictures of the produce as we were driving out of the market. In the lower right of the picture is a huge pile of gigantic yams. Pounded yam is a food that is commonly eaten in Nigeria. I had never seen yams that big before until I moved here.

This market is much different than the grocery store I went to earlier in the day. As we drove away...again...there was that pain. The pain of wondering how I was so blessed to be born where I was to the family that I have and to be given all the opportunities I have been given. Every day, I see such poor people and I want to help them all, and that is a struggle I have in myself everyday. How do I reconcile all the things I have when the people I pass by each and every day are literally walking with no shoes, starving, or pushing themselves around with their hands on skateboards because their legs are literally shriveled up? Then, I have to tell myself that I may not be able to help everyone here, but I think in some small way, we are helping Fatai and Happiness by employing them. I think they are learning a little bit of our culture from us and we are learning alot about Nigeria from them. And that thought takes away the pain in my heart, just a little bit.:)

Hidden Gems

Ekaaro! (Good morning) This year, I told myself that I am going to really make an effort to go out and find some different shops here in Lagos. The longer I live here, the more I see that I can find here. The other day I asked Happiness if there were cupcake baking cups at one of the stores. She always looks at me and laughs because I know the look on my face is always shock when she tells me that yes, indeed, you can find that here. When we first moved here, we did not know what to expect. It seemed that there really weren't many things available here that we were used to in the U.S. Although, there are many things you cannot get here ( and need to bring in your annual shipment) there are several "gems" I am discovering here. This is an abandoned government building which will probably be here for 50 more years before anyone decides to do anything with it. Right across the street from it is one of my favorite shops here. The lady who runs it is Nigerian, and she imports things from all over Africa to sell in her shop. She has gorgeous baskets, jewelry and lots of other little treasures. Now that Elizabeth is at school on Ikoyi...I get over there from Victoria Island to pick her up a little early to make sure I don't get stuck in the terrible Lagos traffic. I kill the extra time by going in this shop to browse (buy) and usually spend all the money I brought in my wallet.:) I am sure Guy will be happy to know that!:)

Looking at the building from the outside...you would never know what was inside.

Just a few doors down from that shop was another "find". I was completely thrilled to find the cutest book store!!! I love books...especially childrens' books...so I was way too excited to go inside and look around.

I took a picture from outside the door to the book shop because I didn't buy anything there today. I spent all my money at the other shop and I wasn't sure how the woman inside would feel about me taking a picture of the store without purchasing anything. I never would have thought there was such a nice books tore hidden in this building.

One thing I am still not used to here is bringing a wad of money with you wherever you go ( never use a credit card in Nigeria). Since there is 150 naira to every U.S. dollar ...you can imagine the stack of money you need to take with you just to go to the grocery store here and add the extra cost of importing almost everything here....you get the picture. Needless to say, I am going to have to double my stash of cash in my wallet the next time I come back to these two hidden gems.:)

I will continue to be on the look out for more hidden gems here....you just never know what you may find.:)
Until next time! O Dabo! ( good bye)

Too Comfortable?

I think the kids and I may have almost reached the point of getting too comfortable living in Lagos. This thought crossed my mind when I was at the playground with the kids yesterday, and I have been thinking about it ever since. A list started forming in my head of things which made me nervous or even scared me when I first arrived, but now, are not too big of a deal anymore. So, here it is:

The Top 10 signs you may be getting too comfortable living in Lagos:

10) The power in my flat goes out and I reach for my cell phone (without even thinking) to light up my closet so I can find something to wear.

9) I am the bus mom this week, and on the bus today there were two kids speaking a Malaysian dialect, two kids speaking Spanish, and one speaking Hungarian on her cell phone. I was talking to a few of the other kids on the bus, and didn't even realize all the languages which were being spoken at the same time until I thought about it later. That would have been one of the first things I was fascinated with 18 months ago.

8) I really don't pay attention anymore to the expiration date on food I brought in the shipment. The rule here is ," If it doesn't smell funny, it's ok!"

7) A few months ago, I was at Elizabeth's playgroup. There is always coffee and juice served for all the moms. I poured my coffee and opened the sugar bowl to put a sugar cube in my cup, and there were ants all over the sugar. I have to admit, I flicked them off and put the sugar cube in my coffee. That would have definitely freaked me out when I was first here. It is a pretty common occurence here.

6) There are 10 foot walls and security guards wherever you go here (other children's homes for play dates,restaurants, etc.). They always made me nervous when I first arrived, but now, I just get irritated when the guards don't let me in right away.

5)One morning we were on the way to Jeremy's school, and I hear him blurt out " MOM that okada driver isn't wearing a helmet!!!" Before I could even say anything back to him, he said" Oh, he's okay. See ..he stopped for the red light at least." Do you think he has seen too many people here not follow the rules of the road?

4) We were driving home from a party on Saturday night and there was a police road block. They were waving their flashlights motioning for drivers to pull over. ( The police will then proceed to look in the car and ask for money.) Guy and I didn't miss a beat in our conversation as we told our friend's driver to just drive on through. I know I definitely wouldn't have been that calm about that situation when I first got here.

3) I was walking around the compound with two friends today, and there was a kitchen door and large cardboard box covering up a hole in the concrete wall surrounding the compound. ( A few weeks ago a Nigerian driver was driving down the road alongside the compound and tried to pass around another car and drove up on the sidewalk. He misjudged the width of the car and crashed right through the wall of the compound. Apparently, the brick work is "custom" and can't be found quickly....so here is what the covered up hole looks like....the funny things is...it didn't phase me a bit! It's Nigeria!!!:) Here's a picture to illustrate.
2) Seeing random police or guards on the street with machine guns doesn't terrify me anymore.

1) Yesterday at the playground, I noticed Elizabeth ran across the playground really quickly. Happiness was on her way home and walking through the playground area , so I just thought she was running over to tell Happiness good bye. I was talking with a friend. When I looked up again to see where Elizabeth went, I saw her with her dress pulled up to her belly button and Happiness holding her panties and Elizabeth was squatting over a drain peeing just like a Nigerian woman on the side of the road!!! Yep! that's my daughter! All the other little kids on the compound were outside playing with their parents watching them while she was " Takin' care of business" But, the real kicker was, I really wasn't even that embarrassed either.:) And now that I think of it, no one else thought too much of it.

Someone sent me an e-mail asking me how do I live in Lagos and have a good attitude about it. After thinking about it today, I think the answer is a combination of three things ( at least for me)

1) A little bit of an adventurous spirit

2) A pretty good sense of humor (You will not survive here if you aren't able to find the humor in everything.)

3) This blog (The blog has helped me so much to really think about the experiences I have had here and all the things I have seen. I love that I can share parts of my life on the blog for my family and friends to see what I am up to over here. But, it is really a place I can come to when I have a few minutes to myself and contemplate my life here. As I am writing, I am also understanding a little bit more each day about myself, Nigeria, and the people who live here.)

So, I am now off to bed to rest and see what new humorous things may happen tomorrow, and I'll meet you back here again.:) Until then, "O di arro!" ( good night (to sleep)) in Yoruba.

A Little Understanding

"Better to understand a little than to misunderstand alot." Anonymous

This week, I have bus duty on our compound. Each week, one of the moms on the compound is the very "lucky" lady who gets to ride the bus with the driver and guard to get the children to school in the morning and the afternoon. There are two round trips in the morning and three round trips in the afternoon. So, that would add up to 50 trips in a week going to the school and coming back. I have to say I never got motion sickness until I was the bus mom last year. That did it...the pot holed dirt roads and the bus hitting each and every single bump in the road as I was watching the okadas drive by doing the same thing was enough to turn my stomach. And so, since then, I am not able to text, read, or even look at a map while riding in a car. Needless to say, motion sickness accompanied by 50 bus runs in week can make for a very long week.

Yesterday was the first day, and I had told Fatai on Friday and then sent him a text on Sunday night that I needed him to be at work early to be the "chase" vehicle for the bus ( The bus mom's driver has to follow behind the bus in a separate car in case there is an emergency. He can call on a radio to security or drive to go and get help should the need arise) It was 6:45 a.m. and I was looking for him to be parked near where the bus was. No Fatai...the bus was leaving in 10 minutes. I checked my watch again...6:50...no Fatai. I called him, and asked where he was..the answer I received is one I hear alot in Nigeria...he said "I'm coming..I'm coming!" Just to explain, the statement"I'm coming." in Nigeria can mean a variety of things. It can mean " I am getting close to where you are.", " I am thinking about coming.", " I am just getting out of bed."," I might be coming",or " I'm not coming, but I don't want you to be mad. so I will just tell you that I am." So, I was in a little bit of a panic since not having my driver to follow the school bus is a little bit of a security violation. I asked the bus guard, Mr. Moses, why people in Nigeria always say they are coming even when they haven't even left yet. He looked at me and laughed.:) I was laughing a little bit too...but I really did want to understand why i heard that phrase so much. He said he didn't really know either as he kept on laughing. He said " No Oyibo has asked me that before." I was so relieved when it was 6:54 ( one minute before we had to leave when I saw Fatai show up. Thank goodness in his case he really was coming!:)

The first bus run went pretty well. There weren't too many kids..and it was pretty quiet. The second bus run was a totally different matter all together. The bus was extremely full and all of the jumpseats were used down the middle aisle. But, the kids were pretty good. The problem came when we actually got to the school and the bus stopped. All of the kids started scrambling to get off the bus. No one was waiting for the people in front to get off or for the poor kids in the jumpseats to get up so there was no room to actually walk off the bus. The kids were actually trying to climb over each other to get off. I really couldn't believe my eyes. Of course, I had to use my "teacher voice" and make everyone sit back in their seats and explain to them that to get off the bus they needed to wait until the kids sitting in the seats in front of them got up and then, the next row and so on... the kids weren't too happy about getting off the bus that way, but they did comply. After I dropped the kids off at school, I was riding home and I really couldn't believe that those kids were trying to jump over each other. I understood the younger ones, maybe..but not the high schoolers. Then, I realized that when we land in Lagos, even before the seat belt light is turned off, Nigerians are already standing in the aisle with their and luggage shoving into each other trying to get off the plane as if there is a grand prize for who makes it off first. ( I am really not exaggerating....the flight attendants get very agitated with Nigerians when we land in Lagos). I see many city buses here with people who are actually tumbling out of the bus. At church, there is no rhyme or reason as to how people receive communion. This Sunday, there were three Nigerian women who were already standing in line to receive communion and the priest wasn't even ready to hand it out yet. Why such a big hurry? I asked Happiness why people do not wait for each other or show each other what I think of as common courtesy. She said that in Nigeria people "do not give a chance". She said that if they don't try to be first at whatever they are doing someone will take their opportunity away from them. I never thought of it like that. Lagos is still a developing country, and in that respect, if the people in this country don't seize the opportunity when it is given, they may very well miss it. Most people aren't thinking too far ahead into the future...most are just thinking about how they will get money to eat tonight. For me the concept of not knowing where my next meal will come from is so foreign to me.

I thought back to watching the kids trying to get off the bus , and thought to myself they see Nigerian people everyday doing the exact same thing. So, when does it come to a point when you are an expat living overseas to try to change the way things are done as a culture ( or at least for the expat kids who are living in a different culture)? Is it even my place to try? Do the kids even understand why the Nigerian people don't wait? Now that I have a better understanding of why Nigerian people are in such a hurry to "be first" maybe I can try not to be as annoyed when they are blocking the jet way to the plane when I am trying to pre board with two little kids. ( I will really have to meditate on that one!) There are so many things to think about. Then, like always happens so many times when I am in the car, I will see something that will make me laugh out loud. A car drove by me with puppies in the back. I thought, "That's strange, I don't see many puppies in Nigeria." I looked again and saw what I thought was a "tail" was actually a tail feather! I know the picture is not very good, the car was going by me too fast to get a good picture. But I really couldn't believe my eyes...of all the things to see in the back of someone's station wagon.......chickens.....really???!!! The driver was so nonchalantly driving down the road like it was no big deal. He looked like he was just doing something he would do on any given day......maybe that is what he does everyday!? I laughed so hard! After I caught my breath from a really good belly laugh, I thought to myself, I may not always agree with how things are done the way they are in Nigeria. But I can understand it a little better and accept Nigeria for what it is. And most importantly, remember to keep a good sense of humor about it.:)

What's Behind the Wall?

I had thought about doing this post before Bernie passed away , and of course, last week was a hard week. We feel her absence every day when we come home and she isn't there to meet us. But, I know the kids are at least beginning to understand what happened last week. Jeremy told the Sunday School class today that Bernie went to Heaven to be with Jesus. Then he continued to tell the other kids in the class that Jesus is special because he takes all the pain away and Bernie can run and play now. Those were two things she just couldn't do when she was here. So,I think all in all, we are adjusting okay here.:) As for the picture of the wall above, what do you think may be behind that wall?

Take note of the razor wire on top of the wall...can you see it? The small square cut out in the gate ( in the first picture above) is the window the security guard will open to look at you and determine if you can have access to the school before opening the huge gate. After coming back here after being gone in the U.S. for six weeks, I could see some parts of Lagos with fresh eyes again. I realized that there was razor wire everywhere to keep people out. It occurred to me that yes, even at Elizabeth's school, there is barbed wire surrounding the school wall so no one can get inside ( except the parents and teachers, of course).

I know some of you may be looking at these pictures and thinking " What is she thinking sending her daughter here?" ( This is not the school Jeremy is attending...Elizabeth s too young to attend that school) I know the playground doesn't look that great and there is barbed wire around the school. As a matter of fact, there isn't even a sign to say that the school is even there. ( This is for the safety of the children) But, the school is great (Elizabeth was on a waiting list to get in since last March), and like most things in Nigeria, playground equipment is hard to get. So, many times, the play equipment is used for many years before it is possible to replace it.

I realized when I was taking her to school early last week that if I was in the U.S. there would be no way in h$%# I would ever take her to a school surrounded by barbed wire. It is funny because after a while, you almost don't even notice it here anymore...you just see it everywhere. It was my "fresh eyes" which made me realize once again how different my life is here compared to the life I would be living if we were still in the U.S.

But, Elizabeth is happy here and the teachers are absolutely wonderful. She has a teacher from Australia and another teacher from India. In addition, there are two Nigerian assistants to help out with the kiddoes and that adds up to a whole lot of fun!!!:)

I guess it just goes to show, you really can't judge a book by its cover...who would have known that so much fun was going on behind a huge wall covered with razor wire?:)

Thank You

Thank you to all of you for your thoughts and prayers for Bernie.:) I will get back to posting on the blog...but am going to take a break for a few days. The kids really miss her. Elizabeth keeps asking me,"Why Bernie go to heaven?" and Jeremy has been sleeping with a stuffed toy that looks like Bernie and two of the pictures I printed for him from the previous blog post. It truly is like a death in our family. I miss my "little vacuum cleaner". I never had to sweep the floor after dinner because she was always there to clean up all the crumbs.:)

Again, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I'll be back to blogging in a few days.:)

Bernice Edna Salinas

Bernice Edna Salinas

October 1999-February 1, 2011

Bernice Edna Salinas a.k.a. The Swamp Dog, passed away today in our flat in Lagos, Nigeria. She was born on the Westbank in New Orleans, Louisiana and rescued by a wonderful woman named Donette. She was found on the side of the road with her mother who had been hit by a car. Donette took her in and gave her her initial vaccinations and took wonderful care of her with her brother and sisters. She was my Valentine's present in 2000. I still remember going out to Donette's house in New Orleans and being so certain that Guy and I were going to bring a little boy dog home. I was very surprised when Bernie and her two sisters were there...no boys. I had only picked out one name...Bernard... I am not sure why..but I really liked that name.:)

Of course, when we met the dogs, our heart melted for Bernice ( I thought I should change the name from my boy name, Bernard). She was so kind and came right up to us and was the sweetest little thing you had ever seen at three months old. We brought her home and she immediately peed on the bed we had bought for her.:) Guy had always said that any dog of his would never sleep in our bed...but that first night...we tried everything. We put her in our bathroom with stuffed toys which had been rubbed on her sisters, a clock for the heartbeat, and a night light...but she whined and cried so much that Guy finally broke down..and that was it...she was in our room and eventually slept with us in our bed... She earned her middle name from our 84 year old next door neighbor in New Orleans, Edna. Edna was a spunky woman who always cared for Bernie. When I would be gone during the day and Bernie was outside,Edna would go outside in her back yard and spray Bernie with her water hose over the fence to make sure Bernie didn't get too hot.:) Edna loved Bernie...so it was only fitting to give her the same middle name.:)
She has been with us for most of our 12 year marriage. She was there when we moved from New Orleans to Houston. She was there with us for our sad times and our happy times.
She was there when we brought both of our children home. She was there for us when we moved from Houston to Lagos. Over the past months, she was battling severe seizures and we tried to increase her medicine....but it wasn't helping. Her back legs were giving out on a daily basis and Guy and I decided that it was just time ...she stopped eating and drinking water over the weekend, and we knew it was time for her to be out of her pain. We spent today with her, and the kids each drew her a picture to put in her casket with her today. Elizabeth said she drew a picture " so, Bernie could take it to heaven." I also enclosed the above pictures to be buried with her ( these pictures were taken by my friend, Lara, in October 2010). The vet came at about 6:30 p.m. tonight and then, she was gone. She was a wonderful friend and companion and her absence will be felt by our family for years to come. Deciding when it was "her time" was one of the hardest decisions Guy and I have ever had to make....but we realized that she was unhappy and it wasn't fair to her. I truly understand how people can fall in love with their dogs...she was our "one in a million" dog and we will miss her with all our hearts.